Romance gets tiring too sometimes. The bliss and freshness of it won’t last forever. Soon you get tired of all the shit and fights you both have, all the non existent common interests are catching up to you, soon you have nothing to talk about and soon you get bored. But hey, if you really love them, then everything will work out just fine, yes? No. Most of the time love isn’t enough. Well it is almost always never enough. Not in my case though. Not yet at least. And oh hey, tumblr. I’ve left you alone for 2 months.
Nakakabadtrip, tangina lang.
I lost my fucking biology binder and I have no idea where the hell I put it, and I am a very forgetful person. Not at my house and not in my fucking locker either.
Lost all my notes, test next week, my 6 page lab is there that’s completed with drawings and data and that’s due next week, too. Life is so great. :|
I’m at a point where I think I need to keep a journal so that all my feelings aren’t bundled up inside of me. I’m starting to think that something is seriously wrong with me, like, legit wrong. I hurt everyone that gets close to me because once they get too close, I stop caring. I don’t care as much as I should. If they’re already stressing so much I’ll be just like - oh whatever, and be stressed a bit but stop trying after a while. It’s not that I expect them to just put up with me, but I just expect them to leave and when they do - then they do. I think I just got used to people being fed up with me and leaving right after. That’s because when they get too close, I do whatever I please depending in the mood I’m in. That’s terrible isn’t it? It’s almost like a have a phony self with others that I’m not too close to and I only show my real terrible side to people I somewhat trust but once I start doing that then they get fed up and pissed off at me and leave - and the thing is, I’m not even trying to stop them from leaving, if they want to leave then leave. It’s like I push them away on purpose because I don’t want them getting too close to me. I don’t know if I’m just that way or if I’m just protecting myself from getting too hurt. I really don’t know… I’m fucking messed up, always been this way, and now it’s catching up to me. Good fucking job, self.
Have you ever been so hurt that you can actually feel it? Like, physically? There’s this tightening feeling in your chest and you just wanna let it all out? It feels so tiring, that you don’t know if you just want to sleep it off or cry and let it all out? That’s what I feel like right now. Sad. Tired. Exhausted. Hurt to the point where I can feel it draining me.
“Right” and “Wrong” are subjective concepts. One person’s view of wrong and right will conflict with someone else’s, so follow what YOU think is right or wrong. It’s your life anyway. Be happy.
I have a twisted way of thinking and I have an extraordinary ability to think the worst about everything.
Winter break, everything has been going well. My mom is getting more comfortable with le boyfriend, we had lunch with him last Sunday cause she invited him and she’s been showing a lot of interest, too. And this is supposed to make me happy, yes? Don’t get me wrong, it makes me happy - but I seem to have this automatic something-bad-is-gonna-happen-because-this-is-too-good way of thinking. It’s weird and I don’t like it and it makes my moods change that he always wonders if something’s bothering me. I always say, don’t worry, I’m just thinking about a lot of things.
And yesterday he told me that at first his Filipino martial arts instructor told him that “It’s fun to see you learn. High school relationships.. they never last you know? 20s is where you have all the fun.” and at first he thought that this was gonna end eventually but he started caring a lot more about me.
And now I can’t stop thinking that it’s gonna end eventually. I’m stressing over something I shouldn’t be stressing about and something that I shouldn’t be thinking of either.
Something’s wrong with me.
Forget what we’re told, before we get too old.
One of the most gorgeous things you can do with someone is just lie down in the semi darkness. I find that most people are more open when you can’t see every detail of their faces, they’ll open up and allow you into their world in a way that sunlight just doesn’t allow.
<3
I am actually happy right now. Today is the one month thing with Michael. Hehe. And because he is cheesy, i don’t know… I just… :”>
I mentioned that I liked Beauty And The Beast. Lol! So yesterday from some reason he was asking me what my favorite color was (which is green) but he was like, “OUT OF ALL THE COLORS!” (Because there are no green roses at his flower shop I think) but yeah, I told him that Blue is my second favorite color. :P
He knows my locker combo, so before school I went there and there was nothing there right, but um, when I went back after first block was done, I opened my locker and…. BAM! A single, blue rose (wrapped and pretty. it’s pretty. I’ll try to post a picture.) Was taped on the inside of my locker door. ALDJAFSDSDLJFISMKCSNDKFVMNS<DF. It was so adorable and cute that I teared up :’) I was so happy. It was so cheesy but whatevs. I seriously teared up. And he was waiting somewhere. I just hugged him :’) He said, “Sorry I couldn’t find a glass case.” (Beauty and the Beast reference) He was soooo cute! SDkFJSDKSDFDFJKsdf. I feel so giggly and giddy and adfksdjgldkgjlskjg. My friend was there and she was like, woah! and yeah <3
I’m just so happy. That was really sweet.
